Men's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sports, or
Cars

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

*****

By the way, as much as I want to take credit for the above list I have to admit that I am not its author. I wish I did though. I chanced upon the rules this morning at work while lurking on an online forum. I was grinning the whole time while going through the list. I hope you did too.

So go...

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

Have a great week, everyone!

Khonspirator

I haven't seen any of the sex videos filmed and produced by Haiden Kho. I do not intend to download the videos via http/torrent or watch them via YouTube.

I have seen too many personal sex videos in my 20-something existence that all of them look the same to me. Bad video. Bad audio. Sloppy and stagnant camerawork. Unimaginative and repetitive sex positions.

One should watch film features to see how sex scenes should be done sans shots of male and female genitalia. Take for example the spit-swapping scene in Scorpio Nights. Or Klaudia Koronel and an actor doing it on tree branches in Tuhog. Or Michelle Aldana getting it on with Gary Estrada in Segurista. Or Graciaaa of Eat Bulaga fame on top of Albert Martinez while furiously fanning herself in Sidhi. Or that helicopter scene in Live Show.

Now those are imaginative. But I digress. I couldn't help inserting that last paragraph. Haha.

What really peeves me though is how some senators are exploiting the scandal for their own political ambitions. Plus pogi points.

Look at Jamby Madrigal. The Judy Ann Santos-lookalike (duh!) heading a Senate investigation on the sex videos for for legislative purposes.

Look at Bong Revilla. A man, who has sired children from women other than his wife, delivering a speech on morality. Putik!

Patricia Evangelista in her Method To Madness column in PDI a couple of Sundays ago argues about this splendidly.

Read the article here.

Condoms, Corruption, Conscience

"Pope Benedict XVI, who arrived Tuesday in Cameroon for his first trip to Africa as pontiff, denounced condom use on the AIDS-ravaged continent, saying there were better ways to combat the disease.

AIDS "is a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems," the 81-year-old pontiff told reporters on the flight from Rome.

The solution lies in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer," said Benedict, who will also visit Angola during the weeklong trip."

Read the full story here.

Pasensya na sa mga magagalit pero di ako nag-aagree sa sinabi ng Santo Papa. Sa tingin ko condoms o artficial means of protection pa rin ang panlaban sa AIDS epidemic na yan. Hindi lang sa Africa kundi sa buong mundo na rin.

Sabi hindi daw 100% effective ang paggamit ng condom pero ang "spiritual and human awakening" ba ay isang mabisang solusyon? Ang mga edukadong tao nga ay di makpagpigil sa tawag ng laman, ang mga Aprikano pa kaya na ayon sa aking kaalaman ay lugmok sa kahirapan at di makapag-aral?

Hindi ba pwedeng pagsabayin ang dalawa? Prayers and use of contraceptives?

*****

"Jesus Martinez capped his public career by being disgraced. Manuel Gaite Jr. has previously been disgraced, and has been rewarded for it by being given a promotion — to take over Martinez’s job as a commissioner of the Securities and Exchange Commission."

Yan ang unang paragraph sa Editorial ng PDI ngayon. Bad trip.

"What stuck in the public’s mind was that Gaite gave Lozada half a million pesos and then insisted the funds came from personal resources. We’re hard-pressed to think anyone believed him then, just as Martinez’s demonstrating shock — combined with protestations of ignorance — about his son’s business dealings with the son of Legacy boss Celso de los Angeles inspired public skepticism."

Ang kapal. Bad trip.

"The moral of the story, as Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist Ramon Farolan put it Monday, is an immoral one: “If you must lie, lie to protect the administration. If you must steal, make certain some of it goes to the administration. If you must cheat, cheat in favor of the administration. You will be assured of protection and you may not see the inside of a courtroom. Like Gaite, you might even be rewarded.”"

Wala akong masabi. Walang kwenta pa rin talaga ang gobyerno natin. Nakakainis.

Read the full editorial here.

*****

"The Filipino woman who accused an American Marine of raping her in November 2005 has not only recanted more than two years after winning a conviction but has also accepted money from him and flown to the United States for good.

Nicole also issued a sworn statement on March 12 saying she expected her motives to be questioned.

She raised doubts that US Lance Cpl. Daniel Smith had raped her, and suggested that she might have welcomed his sexual advances at the Neptune Club in the Subic Bay Freeport Zone.

She added: “My conscience continues to bother me realizing that I may have in fact been so friendly and intimate with Daniel Smith at the Neptune Club that he was led to believe that I was amenable to having sex or that we simply just got carried away.”"'

Read the full story here.

The smell of money and milk and honey work in not-so-mysterious ways in this country. Kaya siguro hindi tayo umaasenso.

The Expat and the Pogi

Here are a couple of insightful articles written by two Philippine Star columnists.

The eight original stories
THE X-PAT FILES
By Scott R. Garceau
November 23, 2008

“Surely you’ve heard about the eight original stories? The fact that 99.9 percent of Hollywood scripts and movies derive their basic plots from Greek mythology, folklore and well-known fairy tales?” I was being relentless, obnoxious. I was sick of hearing people describe such-and-such a movie in breathless tones and tacking on, in apparent reverential disbelief, “How did they ever come up with that story?” Read more...

Great balls of fire
POGI FROM A PARALLEL UNIVERSE
By RJ Ledesma
November 26, 2008

"In a study by the University of Central Lancashire in the UK, scientists discovered that men who have much longer fourth fingers compared to their second fingers have higher levels of testosterone surging through their systems. You No Girlfriends Since Birth (NGSBs) reading this column must be thinking, so what? Does that differential between the second and fourth finger make any difference when I am watching monkey porn?" Read more...

OBAMAnia

Condrado de Quiros' There's The Rub - Nov1008. "I myself roared my approval last Wednesday in the quiet of my neighborhood when CNN projected Obama the winner. When I saw that image of Jackson, I felt the hair on my body stand on end. Few images have moved me to the depths of my soul. That one did." Read more...

Scott R. Garceau's The X-Pat Files - Nov0908. "One of the unexpected benefits of Barack Obama’s historic victory last Tuesday: I, as an American, earned a few extra pogi points.
It’s true. Even walking around in Manila’s malls right after the US elections were over, I felt a little lighter. Happier. Less like a war criminal. Even received unsolicited smiles from people. It was like people instinctively recognized: hey, you Americans can get something right after all. Even here, people seemed to recognize that democracy can work. That’s got to be inspiring." Read more...

Jessica Zafra's Emotional Weather Report - Nov0908. "There are moments that you know will go down in history. Most of them happen when you’re looking the other way, or too engrossed in your own life to be bothered. This one had the advantage of having a broadcast schedule so we could make the necessary preparations. My friends and I agreed weeks earlier that we would watch the election coverage together. I suggested a restaurant with cable TV, but none of the sports bars appealed to us. Joey’s brilliant idea was for us to rent a room at a videoke lounge, watch CNN, and between reports, perform election-related songs, such as Noel’s rendition of Meryl Streep’s rendition of ABBA’s The Winner Takes It All. Unfortunately the nearest videoke place had no cable TV, and the other one didn’t open until 3 p.m. So we ended up in Ricky’s apartment, which has a flatscreen TV, Wi-Fi, and a fridge full of sweet corn." Read more...

Mind-boggling

Here is an interesting article from Condrado de Quiros' column There's The Rub from the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Lost generation

Another reason for Filipinos, who still care about our country, to rant and bewail on.