Monday, August 10, 2009

Men's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sports, or
Cars

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

*****

By the way, as much as I want to take credit for the above list I have to admit that I am not its author. I wish I did though. I chanced upon the rules this morning at work while lurking on an online forum. I was grinning the whole time while going through the list. I hope you did too.

So go...

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

Have a great week, everyone!

11 comments:

iya said...

kung susundin yang full blast egoistic rules na yan, di babae hanap mo..lalake! bwahahaha

Skron said...

Rules from the male side? Now, to all ladies out there, I'm never like this. I don't have a Saturday = Sports night, or I don't talk about cars and sports.

So, whoever, wrote this is a misogynistic asshat.

















Great job!

gillboard said...

totally agree with the shopping part...

Crying is blackmail -> this is just hilarious!!!

ADRIAN said...

There is something weird about this rules. They seem to empower men, empower what? I don't get it.There are no rules in the 'Men's world', there is not even a Men's world out there. There is a group of men i'm sure of it, but they end up killing each other.

if the men's world exist, there would be no rules on how many clothes you wear a week or what shoes would match your tie, but war. It is the ladies that keep them at bay.

The Scud said...

iya > sineryoso mo talaga yung rules? why so serious?

skron > shameless plugging yan ah. hehe.

The Scud said...

gillboard > parang bata ang 'crying is blackmail', pag di nabilhan ng laruan mag-iiyak at magsisigaw sa mall. :D

The Scud said...

adrian > although there is some truth to those rules, im pretty sure the author wrote it for the spirit of fun. it is a humor piece. satirical.

i didnt get the 'empowerment' vibe when i first read the rules. it is not supposed to empower men. we can get empowerment, if we need it, from family, friends, bfs/gfs, people in general. but not on a piece of humorous writing. that's pathetic.

i should have written a disclaimer that the rules should not be taken seriously. but then again that would be taking away the fun. and one should be able to decipher a serious post from a humorous one.

chill, ok?. huwag seryosohin ang lahat ng bagay.

Andy said...

Nice list! Perfectly valid — all of them! Ehehehe.

Raft3r said...

amen.
hehe

atticus said...

ay, ako, seseryosohin ko rin ang rules na iyan.

ayoko rin ng oblique delivery of messages. pag ayaw, ayaw. pag gusto, sabihin din. tapos. kung hindi magkasundo, mag-away, at least malinaw kung ano ang pinag-aawayan.

katawa ang listahan na ito. mukhang bitterness na lalaki ang sumulat dahil napundi sa aming mga babae. great way to get even. hahaha!

The Scud said...

atticus > at least may humor pa rin. balanse.